MEETING : Discipline Through Attachment Parenting

Thursday, October 7, 2010

We started by reviewing The Declaration of Children's Rights to remind us how to honor and respect our children, and we looked into the article The Decline of Children and the Moral Sense to remind us why attachment parenting is very important to the well being of our children, as well as our society.

A couple of suggestions were:

1. Stop and take a deep breath (work on dealing with our own anger)!
2. Preventative parenting through routines (before it gets to a level that some type of discipline is needed).
3. Parenting by the golden rule (One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself).

An interview with Dr. Jane Nelsen from a blog called Naturemoms. Dr. Nelsen has written several books including Positive Discipline, Positive Discipline for Preschoolers and Positive Discipline: A to Z, and has a wonderful Web site www.PositiveDiscipline.com. Dr. Nelsen said there are five concepts behind positive discipline including:

1. Be kind and firm at the same time, or respectful.
2. Let children know they belong and are significant.
3. Tool is designed for long-term, not just short term.
4. Teach social and life skills for good character, learning solutions.
5. Teaching them they are capable and use their own power in useful ways.

Dr. Nelsen talked about being an "asking parent" instead of a "telling (controlling) parent." She said to ask for help with solutions through things like a family meeting. She also talked about the harm of punitive parenting, especially for younger children because they cannot understand cause and effect. Dr. Nelsen said many parents say that "My child(ren) doesn't listen" and her response is "You are talking too much!"

Some other helpful hints that were given during the meeting (can't remember if they were all from the interview or not):

1. Connection with your child before correction
2. Respond to your child with "I love you and we can talk...."
3. Do not respond to their behavior with the same behavior. For example, if they back talk to you, do not back talk to your child (thus making them think it is an okay thing).
4. Have something like a "self-soothe area" a feel good place a child can go to when they need time to calm down, reflect, be removed from a situation, to redirect and diffuse.
5. Have a routine chart that makes them feel capable and empowered.

 Other book recommendations including: 

• Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline: The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflict into Cooperation by Becky A. Bailey 
• Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes by Alfie Kohn 
• Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn (one of my personal faves) 
• Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel and Max Lucado 
• Parenting With Love And Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay 
• The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums, and Tears by Elizabeth Pantley

 Other summary recommendations from a member's blog:

• Parent Effectiveness Training
  
• Children: The Challenge